Sex Quotes

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.

Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.

Sex is emotion in motion.

Sex relieves tension - love causes it. ~ Woody Allen

Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

The best contraceptive is the word no - repeated frequently.

Men get laid, but women get screwed.

Sex. In America an obsession. In other parts of the world a fact.

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute.

Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love.

To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals.

Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.

My reaction to porn films is as follows: After the first ten minutes, I want to go home and screw. After the first 20 minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live.

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.

We all worry about the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time.

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be very free with sex, they should draw the line at goats.

There's nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex.

When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying her to leave.

The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it.

A dirty book is rarely dusty.

If you use the electric vibrator near water, you will come and go at the same time.

I think I could fall madly in bed with you.

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!

Flies spread disease - keep yours zipped.

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love.

What they love to yield they would often rather have stolen. Rough seduction delights them, the boldness of near rape is a compliment.

When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.

Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

I once knew a woman who offered her honor So I honored her offer And all night long I was on her and off her.

Tell him I've been too fucking busy - or vice versa.

My cock doesn't talk politics.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them.

An erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think about it, the harder it gets.

A student undergoing a word-association test was asked why a snowstorm put him in mind of sex. He replied frankly: "Because everything does."

Sex is interesting, but it's not totally important. I mean it's not even as important (physically) as excretion. A man can go seventy years without a piece of ass, but he can die in a week without a bowel movement.

When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.

A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation.

To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it.

My message to the businessman of this country when they go abroad on business is that there is one thing above all they can take with them to stop them catching AIDS, and that is the wife.

I'd like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he's working on now.

The common thread that binds nearly all animal species seems to be that males are willing to abandon all sense and decorum, even to risk their lives, in the frantic quest for sex.

“There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.”